Desperato

Ever since I got my car, I’ve basically been on the go every week. But one of the things that has been apparent is that now I’m pretty much a therapist on wheels. I’ve met friends everywhere to talk about things, at different times and

Lately, lots of talks have involved relationships- or rather, the lack thereof. There has never been a time where everyone has been seriously dating someone, but it’s still a rare occurrence when everyone is single at the same time.

Now, normally feeling the effects of being single is normally felt during the couple holidays, like Valentine’s day. But lately; if you have a taken friend- all they want to talk about is the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend. They always say the same things:

“How are you still single? You’d be a great girlfriend.”

“It’ll happen when you stop looking.”

“He was probably a commitment phobe/douchebag/asshole/not good enough for you/insert other adjective here.”

“You’re probably just too picky.”

I’ve been on the receiving end and the giving end of most, if not all of those statements. But as much as it pains me to say it, there might be a little bit of truth behind each statement.

But when it feels like you’ve been forever single, when does it become a fact that you’re actually the one doing something wrong? When does it leave the realm of “choosing not to settle” and become “being too picky”?

I’m not one to be overly religious (if at all) but when is it okay to start being impatient with how long it’s taking to find the person who is “worth it”?

An old friend of mine (who I rarely speak to) has the longest, most intricate list of qualities in a person that they deem “worth it”. He’s gay, and at many times, is more feminine than me.  It goes a little something like this:

“He has to be tall, but not giant tall. And he has to be buff, but not too buff. He has to be independent, and he has to make money. He needs to take me out and pay for everything. I don’t like meatheads. And he should be Asian, and not closet gay, but not super gay. He has to be a top. I want a straight acting gay guy.” He’s not the only person I know who has a superficial list of things that they look for in a man.

I have a lot of things to juggle right now, including work, internships, school and maintaining some remnants of a social life. But when night falls, it sucks to not have a man to have around. Fuck buddies are fine, but I want a cuddle session with someone who is not obligated to do so, or someone that I could go out to eat with and we could actually touch each other instead of standing next to them like awkward friends.

I’m sure all these feelings are popping up because of the Valentine’s Day season, but remnants of these feelings are sure to follow long afterwards.

with love,

D

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